ah, motherhood. The constant ebb & flow of amazing patience vs. loosing your sh**, being a powerhouse full of energy vs. barely keeping your eyes open, having all the desire in the world to join in on make believe playing vs. well, having none at all.
Thats been me the last two weeks, the no desire at all to play. Between my husband being away working for 5 week shifts, my son being sick and a road trip last week, I just don’t have anything to give. Sure, I get spurts, and it’s usually late afternoon just before dinner has to be made, but it’s not enough. I know this. I know I’m giving my phone or the house-work more attention then them, I know it. But I also can’t seem to break it. Of course, I know I also could be worse. I do give them the love & the time throughout the day. I look when asked to look, I follow when I’m lead by the hand of my chubby toddler. I’m there for them. But I’m not fully.
I’m isolated right now, not knowing what the sickness is that my son has, so I’m making the excuse that my phone is my connection the outside world, and that its ok that he watches show after show. But my mom guilt is still there. It’s always there. But I’m just tired. Over all tired. I’m happy. But I’m tired. I know it’s only a short time out of the scheme of things, and to let it go, but these moments are all we have. They pass so quickly. And so, I guess I will just crawl into bed with my boy, when he asks me to watch, and just let that be the moment, and not worry about the rest.