TRIBE “a social division in a traditional society consisting of families or communities linked by social, economic, religious, or blood ties, with a common culture and dialect, typically having a recognized leader”
Being a mom can be lonely & isolating. Even though you are never alone and long for some time to yourself, it’s a different kind of feeling. Even though you know there are others going through the exact same thing as you, you feel like you are the only person experiencing the frustration, sadness & joys that motherhood brings.
As a society the sense of Tribe is no longer present. Sure, you have your groupings of people you see, you text, you Facebook, but that true connection and knowing you aren’t in this alone, is not as common a feeling. Lives get busy. You have children, work, school, partners, in-laws, life! You can only do so much, and most of the time it’s so in your own head, that it gets clouded and you forget to reach out. I know I do. I do all of the above, but I still feel so alone a lot of the time.
I had started a Facebook conversation with a dear friend of mine, who is newly into motherhood with a second baby, and we got onto talking about the lack of “tribe” and what would come with that. We don’t live in the same place, so we know that we couldn’t really create a true tribe, not to mention it’s just not feasible to mesh families and households together in this neck of the woods, but we did feel we needed to figure something out to some what resemble what a tribe of moms, or in our case a two mom tribe, would feel like.
We came to the idea of sharing one ‘success’ and one ‘failure’ with each other. Every day. We’ve given ourselves the leeway to let it go to once a week if we feel every day is getting lost in life, but so far, we’ve been able to keep up. It’s helped. A lot. Just knowing that we could share these simple sentences with another Momma, regularly, and without judgement in any way, has been such a saviour. We elaborate if needed or asked, but we’ve also just let it be those two things about our day, and that sense of just keeping it simple and real is really satisfying.
Having a ‘tribe’ or a solid group of friends who are going through this same wild ride of motherhood (or fatherhood, but I can only relate to being a mom obviously) is immensely important. Even if you don’t realize it, don’t feel you can reach out to anyone, have a hard time admitting it’s hard, or anything like that, please, stop and think about it. Truly. It’s needed. You aren’t alone in these thoughts. Others are there for you. You aren’t burdening them. They most likely are thinking the same thing and would feel so much better knowing they aren’t alone either.
We, who live on this beautiful island, are a little bit closer to what a tribe might experience. There is a beautiful community of family support. Play dates, childcare swaps, free resources, but I know it can still be hard. Finding that real source of tribe just isn’t around anymore. Not in modern society, but it doesn’t mean you can’t create it, in some way.
So reach out. Share your successes & failures. Find your mom tribe.