To my children,
I am sorry.
I’m sorry that I yell so much. I try to be calm & deal with things differently, but often I don’t succeed. My patience is thin and my positive tactics often aren’t received so I resort in yelling. I am sorry for that.
I’m sorry for not being present enough. My mind is racing with so much. Too much. About what I am going to make for dinner. For all the things that ‘need’ doing. For useless worries & stresses, for when you might go to bed, for when this anxiety will lift. I am sorry for that.
I’m sorry for trying to put myself first, sometimes. I know you come first, I know I should strive to give you the attention you need more. But I need me too. I am sorry for that.
I’m sorry I’m quick to anger. For not always wanting to give you hugs or console you, because it’s the 20th time that day, and it’s only 1pm. I am sorry for that.
I’m sorry that my love for you doesn’t always show. It’s there. the love. it’s strong and deep. But sometimes its hidden under exhaustion and frustration. I am sorry for that.
I’m sorry for my lack of creativity, inspiration & playfulness. I get bogged down by the mundane daily chores. My mood overtakes my fun. I am sorry for that.
But, I am NOT sorry for being human, trying my best and knowing that life is hard and I can’t always be on top.
I am NOT sorry for loving you with all my might and being your Momma.
I hope you know all that. I hope you know everyday I try my best. Some days suck & I fail, others are pretty good. I hope you know I’ll never give up on either of you, and I’ll always be here. I may not always be smiling, but my heart will always be yours.
I love you my littles.
Love your Momma.