Third.

Happy first day of May!

I figured this would be a good day to write this post. It’s the first day of the month that our third child will be born in. Our third and last. Bittersweet. Hard to think of it as the finalized thing.

Before we were at this point, of being at our last pregnancy, I always pictured myself going into it really appreciating & loving all aspects of it. Because, knowing it’s your last is a pretty powerful thing, and you’d want to savior every moment of it, right? But this pregnancy came at a time that I wasn’t ready for. I wasn’t in that mindset to love every minute of it, to relish in it’s beauty, even to acknowledge the fact I was pregnant, again, so soon after my last time. Not to mention, there is no pregnancy quite like your first time. When you can take the time to rest, to tune into your being inside, to eat proper meals, in quiet, to not have to bend over to pick up toy after toy. I of course knew that each pregnancy after the first wouldn’t be the same, but I still had that hope to give myself & the growing belly the attention it needed. However, that didn’t happen as much as I’d have liked. And being here now, just over a week away from due date, looking back on this pregnancy, and the journey I have gone through, what I’ve done over these 9 months, the hard times, the down times, then finding my way up again, I am now, remembering to relish in it. To take it in, as best I can. To love myself, love my family, and just ‘be’. No matter the emotion at the time, just be.in.it.

I am actually looking forward to labor. Crazy to say, crazy to think. But, I am. It is an amazing process. A beautiful journey inward, to bring a being outward. That focus, the deep breaths, that last push. That first cry, that first touch of newborn skin, how that magic next stage starts. It’s all encompassing, all empowering, all amazing beauty.

I was honored to be included in a beautiful blessing way yesterday, alongside two other mommas-to-be. One, pregnant with her second, another her first. We were surrounded by kind, powerful women, most of which were also mommas, and have gone through the birth journey themselves. They pampered us with foot soaks, massages, belly paintings & bead blessings that were woven into dream-catchers. Yummy food & tea out of vintage tea cups were the icing on the cake. I met some new amazing women, and just felt the love  that life & community is all about, or should be all about. I know it’s often not, but it needs to be. To know you are not alone, to know you are one of thousands and thousands who have gone through this journey, this hardship, of pregnancy, birth and then motherhood.

Pregnancy is only 9 months, Motherhood is forever. “as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be”. Those words are so true. Through the frustrations, the exhaustion, the desire to (sometimes) just run away, doesn’t mask the fact, that I am Momma. I am always going to be their Momma, and it truly is an amazing role to be. I often don’t think that, being in the thick of it, day in and day out, and being low-patience in third trimester pregnancy hormones, it adds a whole other level to it all. But I know that these moments are fleeting, of their little faces looking up to me, their little hands slipping into mine, their little voices saying “I love you Momma”. It’s the journey of a life time. Always something new to learn, to discover, to feel. It is a blessing. Disguised often, but a blessing.

Taking in these last days of my last pregnancy, the last days of my baby girl being the baby, my first born soon to be a big brother again, it’s a huge collection of different feelings. Soon to be adding in even more years before my husband and I are truly together again, where we can have a conversation without being yelled at by small voices, vying for our attention. Where we may actually sleep in the same bed again, where we can more easily pack up and go away on a trip. It’s all there, our pre-parent life, and I am so grateful we had all those years prior to explore all that together, and just to hold on to the fact, that we will get there again. It will be different, but it will be beautiful. Just as where we are now, is different, but beautiful.

So, welcome May. We’ve been waiting for you. We are ready to meet this babe, when the babe is ready to make the journey earth-side. We are ready to be a family of 5, to expand our love, to create new memories, to add in more chaos, to add in more beauty.