I’ve had a busy five years. Three children have been grown & pushed from my body. My superpower of human life has been full throttle, and knowing that I am now done with that amazing power, is both a relief & quite sad.
When you are pregnant for the first time, everything is so new, every little piece of pregnancy & birth is so special and amazing. You have the time to be in tune, with just your one little being. Going through it for a second and third time, is, different. Yes it’s still special and amazing, but it’s not the same. You don’t have the time to focus on all the little kicks, all the ‘firsts’, because your big kids take more of your attention.
But, all that being said, bringing life into this world, a whole human being that you, as a woman grew inside of you, is miraculous. It really is, and I will revel in that as long as I can.
The third time around, was a little bit of a wild card. I had a lot of stop & starts. But knowing that it wasn’t the ‘real deal’, was helpful to keep calm & cool. (Thank you previous labors for teaching me what active labor actually is). I started having more regular contractions at 1am on the day babe was born. They lasted 2 hours. I knew things were starting up, but since I could still talk, think & pack some last minute things up, I knew it wasn’t eminent. Fast forward to 530am, now settled into our birthing room at my parents home, where I have cozied in, and I guess got so relaxed and sleepy that it all subsided.
I honestly felt a bit discouraged. I felt bad for walking everyone up, and nothing come out of it. But, I kept my calm, as the contractions came and went, with no pattern. I rested. I had a couple little walks, where the cool air refreshed & invigorated me, as I breathed in deep. My husband left to go get breakfast (I told him to go, I know how he gets if he doesn’t eat). I got back into bed, and I just started to get into my zone. Things were picking up. The midwife called to check in, since I she hadn’t heard from me again since 430am. It was around 11 or 1130am. I was still able to talk, so it didn’t seem like things were going to still be a bit…..but, no more than 20mins later, it all switched. Myhusband phoned the midwives to tell them to come, I told our lovely photographer to come. By the time they all got there, about 1230ish, I was well into it all…
The pain was deep & intense. My voice matched the deepness, as I ‘sang’ through it. By far my most vocal labor. But it felt ‘good’ as good as a labor can feel, to reach that deep spot inside where the sounds resonate with the pain, a sort of relief, in its own way.
The sweetest part of this labor, was having my kids close by. Their little check ins, their little voices saying “hi momma”, their little hands on mine as they came to comfort me. They were there and present, unphased &unafraid.
The special bond they will have, having watched their baby sister come into the world, seeing the beautiful act of labor & birth. It’s like no other, and I hope they can have it as a happy memory for their life.
Baby Rica was born 2 hours and 49mins after the midwives arrived. She was the first of my 3 deliveries that I actually saw her come out. It was amazing. And weird. But mostly just beautiful. And since we didn’t know what we were having, to finally find out what gender was being added into our family, was a welcomed surprise after the fast & furious labor.
The big siblings were instantly in love, as we all were. Big sister had a lot of ‘why’ questions, big brother a lot of happy remarks “I’m so happy baby is here”.
Our family was, is, complete. And I am so blessed to have had such smooth and uncomplicated pregnancies & births. That I had such supportive people surrounding me throughout it all and still continue to do so.
This journey of motherhood, pregnancy, birth, is incredible. Tiresome, exhausting & too much sometimes, but incredible.
*all the birth photography was done by the lovely Brigid Devoe
*the crying toddler & all the siblings at the end are my own.
The photo of your oldest kissing your forehead made me tear up, so sweet!
Yes!!! So beautiful, strong and intimate. Brought tears to my eyes reading your words Metta. Thank you so very much for sharing . Also Brigid please continue this beautiful work. So important to share these beautiful experiences for ourselves and other wemon. LOVE this!
Thank you Billie!