Just when I feel like I have all aspects of life fairly balanced, the teeter-taughter becomes heavier on one side, and things are out of whack.
If I’m on top of the house chores, then my soul is frustrated with always cleaning. If I give the kids 100% of my attention all day, then the house looks as if an explosion went off. If I’m filling myself up with what gives me joy & lights me up, then I get annoyed when I’m pulled out of that focus. It all makes me fall into a ball of guilt ridden anxiety, wanting to do it all, at the same time, but instead feel scattered & half ass-ing it all.
I wonder around, blurry minded, just wanting to crawl back into bed, escape this haze of anxiety & un-ease. Knowing I should just get us out of the house, to change the scene, but dread that thought, of getting four people out the door, and the social anxieties of having to see people, when I don’t feel like talking to anyone.
I’m out of whack. But I think to what I have in my life, and it’s all beautiful. The good outweighs the ‘bad’ and yet I stray from the balanced feeling.
Is it because I’m looking for the outcomes of things? The results rather than the process & the ‘in the moments’? Do I get trapped in my head rather than feel the breath in my body. Because the overwhelm of little voices & little hands all over everything.
I am so fulfilled in life. So grateful. And yet there’s still a niggling anxious piece that keeps rearing its head. When things get off kilter,un-balanced, it comes rearing its ugly head and takes over.
How do we keep balance? How do we keep peace between the negative & postive, the bitter & the sweet.
I write. I breathe. I meditate. I find quiet. I slather myself in oils.
I try. Sometimes it works right away. Other times it’s slow & frustrating. But I try.
Life’s balance is one of those fleeting things. A constant ebb & flow of ups and downs, a teeter-taughter ride. Forever learning. Forever shifting.
How do you find your balance. What keeps you sane in the chaos of life. What disrupts your fulfillment? and what fills you up again?