I’m told so often that I look so calm, put together & graceful as a mom. I always respond with a thank you & that I’m glad it looks that way.
Because the truth is, more of then not, I’m screaming on the inside.
Between the epic tantrums, the constant fighting between the two older ones, the demands for food & water, the dishes & laundry piling up, the food all over the floor & the cobwebs taking over the house, the emotions & panic within me builds to bubbling and I’m cracking.
I’m emotionally & physically tapped out most days. Even with the amazing support I have. Even when I have chunks of time without all 3 kids at once, I’m still at my breaking point.
So just because I look put together on the outside, doesn’t mean I have it all together. It doesn’t mean it’s easy. It’s far from easy. So far from easy that I question myself every day. I question my choices. I question my mood, my emotions, my reactions.
Just because I’ve produced three times, doesn’t mean I know how to handle all the episodes of epic-ness. Just because I smile & laugh when a tantrum is in full swing in a public place, doesn’t mean as soon as I’m out of the viewers eyes, that my own eyes shed the tears they’ve been holding back for days, because they just can’t resist anymore.
Maybe the moms who show the disheveled look a bit more than those who don’t, maybe they actually give them selves a bit more of a break, maybe they actually have it a bit more together or figured out. Or maybe they just show the truth of what they feel inside.
I don’t mean I’m hiding what I’m feeling, I believe sharing the honesty & rawness of the bumpy journey of motherhood is so important, because it’s easier if we know we aren’t alone in this.
But it is also important to know, not to judge a mom by her cover, because on the inside, she could be screaming. She could be grieving. She could be ecstatic. She could just need to be told that she’s doing a good job, she’s doing the best she can. That she’s showing up, and that’s what counts. And of course, that she’s enough.