Guilt. The constant feeling of not doing enough, not being enough. It gets entangled with anxiety, creating a deep pit in the stomach. Causing ever lasting fog & exhaustion. Never letting go.
The internal battle of knowing it’s just thoughts and your own interpretation, when really you are doing enough, you are enough. But you can’t believe it. Can’t let this tight holding torture go.
Why is that? Why do we have to hold on to this burden. Society? Partner pressure? Family pressure?
Often, It’s your own demons. Your own internal dialogue. Your own internal care.
Shower yourself with self love. Brighten your inner voice. Shed the burden of guilt. Of anxiety.
It’s easy to say. Easy to think of those ideas. But it’s not easy to practice. We hold on to this vision of perfection. Of being able to do it all, juggle all these plates without dropping any. The fear of failure. The fear of rejection. The fear of happiness. Yes, even the fear of happiness.
Always waiting for the next moment. The next thing that will fulfill you. Taking you out of this moment, this moment right now. When your life is slipping by and all most seconds, minutes, hours add up, and you’re left with that heaviness again. That guilt, because you just can’t, ‘be’.
What a twisted world we live in. Being alive and happy doesn’t seem like enough. Isn’t it, though?
Thanks for reading Hannah
I am so glad that I came across this post. Thank you for sharing it with us. I can definitely relate to this post. I am following you so that I can read more of your posts.
Thank you so much. it does give some peace of mind knowing we aren’t alone, doesn’t it?
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Yes it definitely does!
I needed to read this today Metta, thank you for being brave enough to talk about the struggle. I too find myself having a hard time being grounded in the moment, as it all just gets caught up with daily life and the anxiety of feeling like I am not working hard enough at my healing. It’s important to give ourselves self care and love especially in these moments of frustration, as hard as it is, it’s the greatest gift we could give ourselves.